Do you need to de-clutter your friend list? | Guest Post
Today’s guest post comes from a fellow Minnesotan who runs a BEAUTIFUL Instagram account called L.E.X.U.R.E.S. She describes it as: “Poetry for the Mind. Prescriptions for the Body. Photography for the Soul.” And that it is. I LOVE her Instagram account and gets lots of motivation and inspiration for living an intentional life from it. I love it so much, I featured her as one of my Friday Follows! So when she volunteered to write a guest post for The Mindful Mom Blographer, I was thrilled. Read her post below where she talks about decluttering your friend list, and then be sure to follow her on Instagram (link at end of post).
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The older I get the less friends I have and I’m finally starting to be okay with that. Why you ask? Because I am finally learning that not all friendships are meant to last forever.
I want to start off by saying that I am a true believer in the phrase, “everything happens for a reason”. I believe that everyone who walks in and out of my life serves a purpose. Whether their effect was positive or negative on my life, that person taught me something and because of that person – I am who I am today.
So… who am I?
I am a person who wears my heart on my sleeve more often than I should. I go above and beyond for the people I care about. I do my best to be a positive influence in the lives of others. And I never expect more than gratitude in return. However, this has gotten me into some trouble.
Why? Well, that would require me to share a story about my friend… we’ll call her Nancy.
Nancy is that girl who has a come back for everything. She is quick-witted, honest, and very funny, but no matter what the situation, she lives in a life where the glass is always half-empty. Over time, things became progressively more negative. Every conversation I had with her she was in a bad mood, never had anything nice to say, and couldn’t for the life of her see anything in a positive light. I tried my best to remain optimistic and go out of my way to be a good friend to her thinking that this attitude of hers was just a phase, but her remarks got mean and her honesty got vindictive. I just couldn’t take the negativity and ungratefulness anymore… my feelings were hurt and I didn’t know what to do because confrontation was clearly not an option with someone like Nancy.
My Game Changer Moment
One night I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I ran across this video titled, “Why fake friendships are ruining you”. It was one of those moments when you feel the universe is trying to tell you something, so I of course hit play and listened to what this girl named Vanessa Van Edwards had to say. The video finished and I just sat there in shock. It was as if she was talking directly to me, like she knew me and knew exactly what I was going through. There was one thing in particular that stood out to me while watching the video and it is a simple question that you should ask yourself about your friends…
“Are you ever doubting that they are truly happy for you?”
Immediately my friend Nancy came to mind and when I asked myself that question the answer was YES. I did doubt her happiness for me, not just in this current situation we were in but over the last 6 months I had felt that her reactions to anything I had to say were far from genuine and far from happy. It was that moment when I said YES that I realized Nancy was not a true friend of mine. I finally was able to see how her dark cloud had consumed me and was draining my energy. I didn’t want to feel like that anymore so I decided it was time to break-up, this friendship needed to come to an end. I stopped engaging in her cynical conversations, which led to us not having much to say to each other. She stopped calling/texting and so did I. And our friendship just fizzled out. And it was then when I finally felt free.
Do you have a friend like Negative Nancy? Someone who is bringing you down rather than lifting you up?
Here is how to get rid of toxic people:
- PICK YOURSELF for once (I challenge you to)
- BE SELFISH and give your energy the respect it deserves. It’s too precious to spend on people who don’t appreciate it or you.
- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE who are always genuinely happy for you 100% of the time. There will not be any other time for the negative person!
- ASK YOURSELF: “Are you ever doubting that they are truly happy for you?” and use this as a motivator and your ‘why’ for moving on
I promise that this will pay off in the end. You may not be able to see it now, but you will be so much better without that person!
I wish I could tell you that I have been living in this “peaceful” state of mind in regards to friendships for years, but I just learned this major life lesson at the age of 26. My life has been changed forever and I hope yours will be too.
Guest Post by Lex Fish of L E X U R E S: Poetry for the Mind. Prescriptions for the Body. Photography for the Soul.
Email: lexuresx3
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I regularly clean up my friend list because I want to keep up to date only with people I actually care about and who care about me.
I do the same thing!
I totally agree with the idea of being selfish in this aspect of life. No one deserves to be around negativity all the time. I have definitely dumped friends before in the name of positivity!
It can be hard but so necessary! Thanks for stopping by!
I have had to do this too. Not just with friends, but with certain family members too. Its hard, but ultimately has made my life much happier and stress-free. So goodbye to the Nancy’s of the world
Yes, it can be necessary to do with family too, which can be even harder. But sometimes you need to for your own health and sanity.
I recently just decluttered my friend’s list and got rid of any profiles that sent me negative energies. Such a freeing moment.
It does bring a great sense of freedom and renewal!
Love this post! I totally agree with everything you said. It can be SO draining to have friends that just bring negativity into your life!
It absolutely can, and we don’t have time to deal with that!
Yes! I love that you said “be selfish”. Sometimes that’s what I need to do to protect my heart. Great reminder today that friends have purpose in different seasons of my life and some it’s time to cut off.
Exactly! Thanks for stopping by!
I moved across country and realized – relatively quickly – which friends were worth keeping in my life. Sometimes it takes a shake-up to recognize who is worth keeping around.
Yes, you are so right! Thank you for stopping by.
This is so true, I have gone through that process for a while, i lost a lot of so callee friends but it cleared room for the few true ones. thanks for sharing.
It can be hard to lose people but in the end, I have found it is for the best!
It’s so important to keep you as a priority and keep the negative out. Cleaning up a friend list is just important.
I agree! Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks, Lex. The question “Is s/he happy for me?” is a really simple a good measurement of whether the relationship makes any sense. I’ve started asking it about some people in my life. And I’ve found those who aren’t happy with my life choices, my way of thinking which are leading me to happiness.
[…] We’ve all had that ‘friend’. The one who only calls when it’s convenient for them or when they want something. The one where when you do make plans to hang out, you dread it for days. Those types of friends (or even some family members) can be really hard to disengage with and/or end a relationship with. But if you’re serious about your path to a more intentional life (think more time, more happiness, less stress, and less anxiety), these are the type of people you need to break up with once and for all. Need some tips? Check… Read more »
[…] Do you Need to Declutter your Friend List? […]
[…] I hesitated to put this one on the list, because the holidays may not be the best time to start decluttering people in your life, but then again, I thought that maybe it WOULD be a perfect time. If you’re in a situation where you need to remove someone toxic from your life, check out these tips here: Do you need to de-clutter your friend list? | Guest Post […]