Do you need to de-clutter your friend list? | Guest Post
Today’s guest post comes from a fellow Minnesotan who runs a BEAUTIFUL Instagram account called L.E.X.U.R.E.S. She describes it as: “Poetry for the Mind. Prescriptions for the Body. Photography for the Soul.” And that it is. I LOVE her Instagram account and gets lots of motivation and inspiration for living an intentional life from it. I love it so much, I featured her as one of my Friday Follows! So when she volunteered to write a guest post for The Mindful Mom Blographer, I was thrilled. Read her post below where she talks about decluttering your friend list, and then be sure to follow her on Instagram (link at end of post).
The older I get the less friends I have and I’m finally starting to be okay with that. Why you ask? Because I am finally learning that not all friendships are meant to last forever.
I want to start off by saying that I am a true believer in the phrase, “everything happens for a reason”. I believe that everyone who walks in and out of my life serves a purpose. Whether their effect was positive or negative on my life, that person taught me something and because of that person – I am who I am today.
So… who am I?
I am a person who wears my heart on my sleeve more often than I should. I go above and beyond for the people I care about. I do my best to be a positive influence in the lives of others. And I never expect more than gratitude in return. However, this has gotten me into some trouble.
Why? Well, that would require me to share a story about my friend… we’ll call her Nancy.
Nancy is that girl who has a come back for everything. She is quick-witted, honest, and very funny, but no matter what the situation, she lives in a life where the glass is always half-empty. Over time, things became progressively more negative. Every conversation I had with her she was in a bad mood, never had anything nice to say, and couldn’t for the life of her see anything in a positive light. I tried my best to remain optimistic and go out of my way to be a good friend to her thinking that this attitude of hers was just a phase, but her remarks got mean and her honesty got vindictive. I just couldn’t take the negativity and ungratefulness anymore… my feelings were hurt and I didn’t know what to do because confrontation was clearly not an option with someone like Nancy.
My Game Changer Moment
One night I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I ran across this video titled, “Why fake friendships are ruining you”. It was one of those moments when you feel the universe is trying to tell you something, so I of course hit play and listened to what this girl named Vanessa Van Edwards had to say. The video finished and I just sat there in shock. It was as if she was talking directly to me, like she knew me and knew exactly what I was going through. There was one thing in particular that stood out to me while watching the video and it is a simple question that you should ask yourself about your friends…
“Are you ever doubting that they are truly happy for you?”
Immediately my friend Nancy came to mind and when I asked myself that question the answer was YES. I did doubt her happiness for me, not just in this current situation we were in but over the last 6 months I had felt that her reactions to anything I had to say were far from genuine and far from happy. It was that moment when I said YES that I realized Nancy was not a true friend of mine. I finally was able to see how her dark cloud had consumed me and was draining my energy. I didn’t want to feel like that anymore so I decided it was time to break-up, this friendship needed to come to an end. I stopped engaging in her cynical conversations, which led to us not having much to say to each other. She stopped calling/texting and so did I. And our friendship just fizzled out. And it was then when I finally felt free.
Do you have a friend like Negative Nancy? Someone who is bringing you down rather than lifting you up?
Here is how to get rid of toxic people:
- PICK YOURSELF for once (I challenge you to)
- BE SELFISH and give your energy the respect it deserves. It’s too precious to spend on people who don’t appreciate it or you.
- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE who are always genuinely happy for you 100% of the time. There will not be any other time for the negative person!
- ASK YOURSELF: “Are you ever doubting that they are truly happy for you?” and use this as a motivator and your ‘why’ for moving on
I promise that this will pay off in the end. You may not be able to see it now, but you will be so much better without that person!
I wish I could tell you that I have been living in this “peaceful” state of mind in regards to friendships for years, but I just learned this major life lesson at the age of 26. My life has been changed forever and I hope yours will be too.
Guest Post by Lex Fish of L E X U R E S: Poetry for the Mind. Prescriptions for the Body. Photography for the Soul.
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